Susan Colin: Susan's Thoughts

I'm pleased to be on the organizing committee for the Women Cantor's Network conference. This group of fine Jewish worship leaders from around the world will join for a few days of music, learning, worship and laughs. I'll be presenting a workshop on "Music for the Soul" focusing on creating theme songs and compilations to nourish those who nourish others.

"New Moon" has been chosen as a winner for the Shalshelet International Jewish Music Festival, this year held in Milwaukee, WI. I'll be performing it as part of the festival program. Very cool!

Over a year ago, some friends and I started the Flower Mound Coffeehouse. We use the facilities of Congregation Kol Ami, but our mission is to provide a fun and friendly live music venue for Folk/Jazz and Eclectic music. It's a way for the synagogue to be a community neighbor. Part of the proceeds go to local charities, such as the Children's Advocacy Center. We've hosted a number of talented and diverse musicians and now, it's my turn! I'll be doing my "vocal stylings" on some standards, some of my songs, and just have a great time, jazzing around. Considering I started my musical life with classical music, choirs and then studio jingles, it's a chance for me to stretch a bit after focusing the past few years on Jewish worship music. My accompanist, Karyn Haesemeyer, is a great talent- and a good sport! - and she'll add her magic to the variety of songs we'll be doing.

My "Y'varech'cha" (Priestly Benediction, from Every Day) was selected to be included in the 2007 URJ Shabbat Anthology IV. This publication was released at the URJ Biennial in San Diego in December, 2007. The songs in this anthology, composed by contemporary American Jewish composers, were specifically chosen to go with the new prayerbook, the Mishkan Tefillah. What a thrill! Visit www.urjbooksandmusic.com to order a copy. Sheet music and reference CD are included in this beautiful compilation. The wonderful Rebecca Schwartz performed "Y'varech'cha" at a workshop at the Biennial. Her congregation uses it regularly and I hope yours will too!

High holidays - months of preparation, a joyful effort to be sure. The Falmouth Jewish Congregation in Cape Cod welcomed me warmly. There is much to learn from so many wonderful people. So inspiring were the place and the people, and Rabbi Elias Lieberman's fascinating sermons, I even wrote a song "Wonder" to sing during services. I experienced many 'Shehechiyanu" moments. 27 years ago (yikes) I spent a summer working in Falmouth, and couldn't have possibly known I'd return in such a different way and time. Life's like that! Stay tuned - I have a big announcement coming about Y'varech'cha, off the Every Day CD.

Here's the sermon I gave following the Women's Retreat. It pretty much tells the whole, uplifting story. I am using only first names for privacy reasons.

3/9/07
Last summer at a lovely bat mitzvah party, I was happy to see 2 women in particular whom I’ve known through Congregation Kol Ami over the years. At different times during the evening, as I would start to talk with each of them, we found it so enjoyable to catch up that we went out into the hallway, away from the loud dance music, and continued our conversations. As my husband and I drove home that night, I told him how much it meant to me to see these great women. I decided then to organize the women’s retreat, as a chance to spend time with the many women at Kol Ami I’ve come to know and respect. I’ve had ladies night parties and luncheons in the past, but I felt we needed a bigger space of dedicated time to truly relax and enjoy each other’s company.

So, what as far as I know is the first CKA Women’s retreat was held last month at a small ranch outside of Fort Worth. Most of us met here at CKA. My husband Craig and Loren J. served up coffee and bagels, and then 25 women boarded a big coach bus and were give buttons that said “I’m off duty.” We shared the next 32 hours filled with conversation, discussion, food, drinks, laughs and a few tears. Some people don’t get the concept of “a good cry” but we did.

Men are great, I love men, and I love and admire the men in my life. This in no way takes away from men, but tonight I’m talking about women.

I am continually moved by women as a force in the universe, both on a conceptual level, and an individual level. So many women I know amaze me with the range of skills, patience and abilities to juggle a variety of roles and responsibilities.

The theme of the retreat was “What we learn from each other.” Along life’s spectrum, from housecleaning to child rearing to coping with illness and aging, there is always something to be learned from others. This includes characters in the Bible.

With Purim recently behind us and Passover approaching, we have both ends of the spectrum regarding examples of women in our tradition who made history.
What can we learn from them?

It can be said that the story of Esther, emphasis on “story”, is absurd and extreme. Young girl, singled out for her beauty, becomes queen, obeys her uncle’s instructions to conceal her identity, and through a bizarre series of events helps save the lives of the Jewish people. Was she clever? Naïve? Manipulative? Lucky? Perhaps she used the resources available to her - most notably her beauty - to be effective. I think every woman can relate to that when we are faced with power imbalances. I’m not judging it. I think it’s worth examining as a reference tool.

Miriam danced at the shores of the Red Sea, leading women in a celebration of escape and freedom. She also provided counsel to her brother, Moses, whom she had helped save when he was a baby. We don’t typically consider Miriam as naïve or lucky. Her strong personality and courageous initiatives illustrate her as a powerful model, though not necessarily a popular or likeable woman. Oh, we can all relate to that too. This may be one of the hardest challenges for women, in general - to do what’s right and necessary, but take the risk of causing displeasure. What my friend calls “the women’s disease”, it’s typically painful for women to create conflict, when we work so hard to keep everyone happy. Choosing your battles, spending your emotional capital, is an ongoing decision process.

Consider the women of the Exodus. I think of them when I prepare for the seder. As we observe this commandment, all this work, forethought, planning, cleaning, and organization women have done for hundreds of generations, links us in our shared female experience. The first few years I made seders I admit I resented the work. Then one day it occurred to me that while I was making matzoh ball soup, so were my mother and sister and women all over the world. I felt the resentment replaced by a sense of awe and responsibility to keep strong my link in the chain across time and space.

When I told a colleague about the retreat, he asked me about our T’fillah. Frankly his question caught me off guard. Because instead of a standard Shabbat morning service, we prayed and studied in a most Reform way, and I believe it was as much an experience of living and studying Torah as following the Gates of Prayer siddur.

Drawing on many talented and generous congregants, we had discussions on topics such as L’shon Hora, or gossip. Helena, our Education Director, led a lively discussion on the nature of gossip, the ramifications of it, and what we can do to develop appropriate responses. One of the best phrases, when tempted to talk about another person, is to say “It’s not my story to tell.”
Victoria led a fun program called “Is it Jewish?” She played popular and folk songs and we agreed, or not, on whether the lyrics imparted Jewish values. An example is Crosby Still Nash and Young’s “Teach your children well” which was quickly identified as the V’afahafta. The more closely you listen to songs, the more spiritual aspects you can often find.

Robin taught us a new way to think of prayer. Using the model of praise, gratitude and petition, we identified times in our lives that evoke those kinds of prayers. Not surprisingly, this hit on some sensitive spots as we reflected on both challenging and uplifting times in our lives. We took the time to write personal prayers and some people shared them with the group. The tissue box was passed around.

Havdalah was beautiful. We stood closely around a table, sang and smelled the spices, faces shining in the candlelight and Toby played her flute while we sang “Eliyah Hanavi”. The sound of our voices was sweet and warm and good.

Previous to the weekend, each participant received a compilation CD of contemporary Jewish music. As I’ve said before, this is a special time for music in the Reform movement and Judaism in general. There is a concerted effort to develop and promote new melodies as settings to our prayers as a way to revitalize our services. More importantly, musicians like me are working to provide an everyday, everywhere opportunity to have Jewish music which expresses Jewish values in our lives. “Speak of them in your home and on your way” the V’ahafta tells us. This is very important. Jews have a wonderful variety of music to choose from that is uplifting and beautiful for holidays and for every day, and it can provide a far more enlightening soundtrack than what popular radio has to offer. I relate to life through lyrics and melodies, so of course, I wanted to share with the group a sampling of music that they might enjoy. I appreciated the discussion we had about the songs, and we also discussed the tension of wanting familiar or traditional melodies versus exciting and modern settings to make our prayers more relevant. I strongly believe it’s not a choice. Instead, we can add to our repertoire, so that we have settings for all our needs. It was especially gratifying to me that more than once people broke out in song during a discussion. “All I want on any given day is to make a small difference in some way.” (Marge Eisemann)

If you haven’t heard about the highlight of the weekend, it was the belly dancing program Brenda and Violet presented. Now one of the rules of the weekend was that we invoked the Las Vegas creed “What happens here stays here.” What I will tell you is that we learned that belly dancing originated in Egypt for women as a way to be creative and have fun. Women danced for other women, and this way they could move and play without any repercussions. Maybe it was the vodka punch, but mostly I think it was the feeling of friendship that transformed us back in time. We danced and had fun, and possibly connected with our ancestors. It was as if we were in a parallel universe, and it was wonderful. Then back to current day, Brenda danced to my song “Every day is a new day” and everyone sang along. It was a moment I will never forget.

So what more T’filah could we have needed? We sang the motzi loudly at each meal (providing an education to the group of 175 Catholic teenagers also having a retreat that weekend). We stood as a congregation and recited Kaddish for Harry’s father, Bob, and sent waves of love to Harry, Nancy, and their family. We expressed our gratitude with “Shehechiyanu”. We discussed Torah, we expressed Torah, and lived it. We experienced community and fellowship in simple ways with food and laughs. We did it with serious conversations and shared experiences. We observed Shabbat in a modern way that connects completely with the ancient ways, rest, nature, study, food and friendship.

Life is too hard and scary to go through alone. There are times to lean on family, or friends, or God, or the kindness of strangers, and usually it’s a combination that works best. I’ve consciously cultivated a small but effective list of people I can call on depending on what I need. Sometimes it’s advice. Sometimes it’s a safe place to vent. Sometimes it’s for distraction - I don’t want to tell you my worries, let’s just talk about something easy. Or let’s talk politics and current events. Sometimes I want to teach, and sometimes I want to learn. Most of the time I want to be reminded of goodness, and then I’ll figure out the rest.

Robin and I wrote a song called “Pray with me” that expresses the importance of community. For life cycle events we need witnesses to confirm our experience. And the community enhances the spiritual content of our lives, adding dimensions we cannot achieve by ourselves. I’m all for alone time, but we learn more when our words and actions are mirrored back to us through the context of our larger world. The women’s retreat affirmed for me what I already knew but needed to taste again: the elegant grace of women, what we do, who we are, how we do our part to keep the world on it’s axis. The retreat was everything I’d planned and hoped it would be, so there’s satisfaction too.

My thanks go to Robin, Helena, Victoria, Mollie,Toby, Brenda, Violet, Christen, Craig, Loren and the magnificent women who gave their time and presence to make the retreat a meaningful and fun weekend.

If you know “Pray with me”, please join me:

Pray with me, pray with me, join in my song
Pray with me, pray with me, don’t leave me alone
As our prayers intertwine the hues will combine
A garment divine

A thread in a tallis, a grape in the wine
Sweet and refreshing, yet alone on the vine
When I’m alone my prayer is sincere
Floating on high, the hue of the sky
Pray with me…

On family and strangers my worship relies
Ten people together, our prayers multiply
Through simchas and blessings, kaddish and bris
Tears of our sorrows, hopes of tomorrow

In the voice of my people our stories we’ll tell
In the warmth of the minyan God’s holiness dwells
Pray with me…

Shabbat Shalom.

I love the New Year thing. The Jewish High Holidays, to me, are for internal inventory. The Secular New Year is all about external. Yes, I'm going to exercise more and eat better. (My son, visiting from college, looked in our pantry and said "You just have old people food. You don't even have any PopTarts!") I'm going to be better about keeping this website updated. Mostly, I'm going to sing more, write more, and study more.

Since the release of my first CDs in 2003, I took some risks, followed my instincts, and it's proven to be the best thing I've professionally. Then, in 2005 I took the plunge and WROTE music seriously for the first time. The response to EVERY DAY has been touching. People from all over the world, truly, have responded to this music, used it for weddings, funerals, getting through the regular days and some of the extraordinary ones too. It's been a liberating experience and surprisingly, makes me feel a deeper connection to God. I wasn't expecting that. Very cool.

I'm excited about the Women's Retreat I'm leading in February. The 29 women attending don't know it yet, but they're getting a special compilation CD that I've put together with www.oySongs.com. It features some of what I consider the best contemporary Jewish music out there. It's going to take the listener to a range of places, mostly energizing, some introspective and a whole bunch of inspiration. It's called "Music For Your Magnificent Life." Women amaze me. Expecially the women I know, many of whom will be at this retreat. I, along with 2 colleagues, will be conducting the workshops on a variety of spiritual, but not too heavy, subjects. I'll tell you more after the Retreat, don't want to give it all away yet!

I love to travel, but don't like to drive. But the 45 minute schlep across town is well worth it, because I adore singing for Shabbat Services at Adat Chaverim. This dynamic and growing Reform congregation is open to new music, and likes to sing along. Tonight we took some new tunes out for a test drive: Shiru L'Adonai by Rebecca Schwartz; Ma'ariv Aravim by Robbie Sherwin; Oseh Shalom by Neal Katz, and more. Probably too much new material for one night, but I get excited by how much great music is out there. There's a continual debate within congregations of wanting "traditional" music - which really means 'what I grew up with' - versus making services fresh and relevant. This is an exciting time because there's a wave of wonderful new American Contemporary Jewish music. I like being a part of it with my music, and I like sharing with congregants the great songs written by other ACJ musicians. I find so much of this music far more interesting, inspiring and soothing than most of what I hear on the radio. It's a great time to be a singer and writer. I think of Cat Stevens' "Can't keep it in" and remember my boys as happy little kids dancing and singing loudly, reveling, joyous in music. We can do that too, at services, and "in our homes and on our way" (sic)
...Shehechiyanu...